When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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