Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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