Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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