I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
