i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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