i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
