I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
