just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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