Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
