South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
