were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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