Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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