I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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