I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
