Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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