So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
