New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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