Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
