I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
