On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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