party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
