we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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