in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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