Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
