I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
