420 ftw
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
