Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
