Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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