That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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