it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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