I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
