So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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