I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
