no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
