atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
