You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
