sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
