Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
