We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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