hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
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