I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
