I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
