we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
