Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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