So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
