I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
is wine microwaveable?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
