my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
