The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
