There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
