Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
