What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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