I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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