I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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