His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
