Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I could have mohawked her pubes.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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